When I said goodbye to blogging over a year and a half ago, I was almost certain it was forever. Finding myself here now is...unexpected, but it was something I craved. Something I wrestled with over and over again. Not because I wanted what I said goodbye to, but because I wanted to share a new voice and a new heart.
It started during my pregnancy with my second, Aria. An uncertainty and an unsettled heart washed over me like I had never experience before. All of these feelings honestly centered around time. I haunted myself and my closest confidants with questions..."what should I spend my time doing?" "Am I making the most of what I have?" "Am I doing too much?" "Am I doing too little?" "What is my end goal?" "How can I become a better mother?" "How can my marriage thrive?" "How can I 'balance' what is most important and be at peace with the rest?" "What should I start doing?" "What path will be the best for my family?" -- I intensely and almost insanely desired (and currently desire) intentionality in everything.
I honestly couldn't tell you how many conversations I started with these questions and how much I've wrestled with each thought internally. It's been a WEIRD season. For a person who is naturally very driven, filled with ideas and confident in my direction, I felt almost none of that for most of the year.
These moments, however, have been so good for me too. I've been forced to stop and think and really plan out my time and my intentions. No kidding, like a geek, I've been spending the past two months intensely thinking through 2017 and how I can make exciting and healthy changes. I'm really kinda pumped for the new year...like a lot!
2016, however, was a surprise, one that I plan to unpack for you and share. It wasn't a surprise in the sense that is was "so hard" or "such a valley"...honestly, I've never felt more strength and GRACE in my entire life than during this year. When I look back at the events and circumstances that have transpired, I know without a doubt in my mind that God carried me through. God grew me, challenged me and encouraged me. We went through a lot as a little family, learned a lot and changed a lot.
Along with these circumstances, on the side I started growing weary of social media and the internet. At moments I enjoyed it and found a spark of passion that I once had and at other moments I grew to hate it. I grew to hate the worth that so many of us place in numbers and statistics. I grew to hate the embarrassingly horrible way people treat each other. I grew to hate the guilt I so often felt when comparing my ability to "have it together" or "be a great mother" when scrolling through the dreamy feeds of moms.
But a moment stopped me in my tracks...and this is when a dear friend shared with me that a friend felt insecure about the fact that she didn't always wear makeup or dress cute "like Savannah" for her husband and family. My heart hit the ground. That's never what I wanted. My desire is to make women feel supported and encouraged and inspired. NOT worried that they don't have it all together or wear makeup enough...THAT means nothing.
So this is why I'm here.
I'm here to take off my mask, to escape "sponsored" content, collaborations, perfect images and curated posts...this is my break from everything to share with you my story. I want to share the moments that fill me with joy, I want to share the heartbreak and the struggles, I want to share the REALITY of what it's like to be a mama of two at home and working to manage a small handful of businesses. I want to share that I'm the opposite of perfect or together and that I usually don't wear makeup and can be found lounging in PJs as much as possible...and not cute ones either. ;) I want to share the funny moments and the things that make me laugh. I want to share how God has molded my marriage into a ship that keeps both Jon and I afloat during the most frightening storms. I want to share my faith and how it brings me constant joy and hope.
I hope to make you feel connected here and most importantly NOT alone! I'm sure we'll have a lot of "AMEN MAMA!" moments together.
I have a lot to unpack, a lot of stories to write from the past and I'm sure a lot of stories to write in the future. So, I welcome you...to the secrets of a stay at home working mom. It's honest, it's unplanned and it's sometimes a little TMI. ;) I'm so glad you're here.
With love, Sav.